Keeping "those thoughts" at bay
Today, I woke up, and I just didn't feel like getting out of bed. I could smell the coffee, freshly brewed, waiting to be enjoyed. I could see the sun, in the first time in what feels like days. I listened to the birds....and thought, do they even realize the craziness right now?
I wanted to stay in bed because I knew.... I knew the minute I got up, I would be pelted with the news....numbers of death, of cases, of PPE counts. I. Just. Can't.
And my mind went there....
What about school next year? Will I have a classroom? What will it look like? Can I keep them 6 feet apart? What about summer? What makes someone essential? What about youth groups? What about church? What about college dorm life? How do you do nursing school online? Should Caleb change his major? Should he go away to school? Should he stay home? Speaking of home, do I have the right vitamins in the cabinet? Did my kids take those vitamins? What about a vaccine.... I don't want to even go there yet. What about hugging...not allowed? How is that even a conversation?
Then I tell myself, DO NOT LOOK AT SOCIAL MEDIA...but because I miss my friends and my family and I miss hearing about their joys, their wins, their lives, I open Facebook. And there, peppered between the posts of rainbows and car parades and painted windows are the questions-
SO MANY QUESTIONS
and the fear...and the doubt.
It's clear that I am not the only one wondering what this "new normal" (ugh...I do not like that phrase one bit.... I loved my old normal) will look like in 1 month, 2 months, 6 months.....
In a world changing by the minute, where can we look for that which never changes?
Psalm 119:89 Forever, O Lord, your word is firmly fixed in the heavens.
Psalm 102:27 But you are the same, and your years have no end.
Isaiah 40:8 The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.
Lamentations 3:22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;
Malachi 3:6 “For I the Lord do not change; therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed.
And perhaps my favorite:
So, I did get out of bed. I did pour that coffee. And I looked at the next step...just one step at a time, to get something done...to get anything done today. I don't need to plan for next year...I just need to plan for next hour, the next week. So I did. My mind turned to the NOW instead of the TO COME.
I would love to say that it's all good now, but in my brain, those questions are nagging there, surely to wrestle with me another day, but for today, I can keep them at bay. I can listen to the louder words of Scripture. Thank you Lord for carrying the "TO COME" and letting me find peace in the NOW, one trusting step at a time.
I wanted to stay in bed because I knew.... I knew the minute I got up, I would be pelted with the news....numbers of death, of cases, of PPE counts. I. Just. Can't.
And my mind went there....
What about school next year? Will I have a classroom? What will it look like? Can I keep them 6 feet apart? What about summer? What makes someone essential? What about youth groups? What about church? What about college dorm life? How do you do nursing school online? Should Caleb change his major? Should he go away to school? Should he stay home? Speaking of home, do I have the right vitamins in the cabinet? Did my kids take those vitamins? What about a vaccine.... I don't want to even go there yet. What about hugging...not allowed? How is that even a conversation?
Then I tell myself, DO NOT LOOK AT SOCIAL MEDIA...but because I miss my friends and my family and I miss hearing about their joys, their wins, their lives, I open Facebook. And there, peppered between the posts of rainbows and car parades and painted windows are the questions-
SO MANY QUESTIONS
and the fear...and the doubt.
It's clear that I am not the only one wondering what this "new normal" (ugh...I do not like that phrase one bit.... I loved my old normal) will look like in 1 month, 2 months, 6 months.....
In a world changing by the minute, where can we look for that which never changes?
Psalm 119:89 Forever, O Lord, your word is firmly fixed in the heavens.
Psalm 102:27 But you are the same, and your years have no end.
Isaiah 40:8 The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.
Lamentations 3:22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;
Malachi 3:6 “For I the Lord do not change; therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed.
And perhaps my favorite:
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
I force myself to what is right before me...God's promises. I hesitantly, slowly realize that I can't control the changes, nor the conversations about them. God basically plunks me on the head and reminds me that I don't need to control the future. Because He can...and He is. I am simply called to trust...which means, to KNOW IN MY HEART, not just in my head, that He already knew this was happening and He already knows how it will unfold. I just need to trust. Today, that's it. Today, that's all I need.
So, I did get out of bed. I did pour that coffee. And I looked at the next step...just one step at a time, to get something done...to get anything done today. I don't need to plan for next year...I just need to plan for next hour, the next week. So I did. My mind turned to the NOW instead of the TO COME.
I would love to say that it's all good now, but in my brain, those questions are nagging there, surely to wrestle with me another day, but for today, I can keep them at bay. I can listen to the louder words of Scripture. Thank you Lord for carrying the "TO COME" and letting me find peace in the NOW, one trusting step at a time.
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