Just a Mom of Big Kids

 Happy New Year!!  Almost 365 days ago, those words were a welcome exclamation. Heck, we had a senior in high school rolling through a phenomenal basketball season, looking ahead to a final semester of high school. We had two kiddos thriving in college, so full of fun stories and adventures. We were busy...with games, friends, date nights, trivia nights, bar nights, full time jobs.  And 2020 held all the promise of even greater things to come.  JANUARY: I began 2020 with my friends. A perfect way to start. Pick a word, have a party, and celebrate the hope that comes with a new year.  My word was CULTIVATE.  Little did I know that what effort it would take to live that word this year.  FEB and MARCH: Basketball life... Caleb was having a great season. His team was having an amazing season. Knowing it was his last year for playing, we were soaking in every moment, every three-pointer, every win. These kids had played together for so long that the parents...

As a mom, try as hard as I might, I often look at the life of my kids with a glass half full.  Ask Mike- I default to the worst possible scenario with them in less than a hot second.  It's not that I don't believe that God has them in His palm. It's not that I don't believe they are capable of doing life. It's just that as they start to fly outside the confines of my nest, I worry that perhaps I haven't prepped them for EVERY LITTLE THING that could go wrong....and then tell them how to navigate it.  Heck, every time they leave the house or hang up the facetime call, my last words are "Be safe. I love you."  Be safe. Ha! In a pandemic. With riots. Be safe. Months back, when this pandemic was seemingly just a blip, my heart ached for Rachel. She was working, fully masked, in an assisted living center. My constant prayer was "Please Lord, keep her safe." Little did I realize then how He would not only allow her to survive, but in the mids...

Today, I woke up, and I just didn't feel like getting out of bed. I could smell the coffee, freshly brewed, waiting to be enjoyed. I could see the sun, in the first time in what feels like days. I listened to the birds....and thought, do they even realize the craziness right now? I wanted to stay in bed because I knew.... I knew the minute I got up, I would be pelted with the news....numbers of death, of cases, of PPE counts. I. Just. Can't. And my mind went there.... What about school next year? Will I have a classroom? What will it look like? Can I keep them 6 feet apart? What about summer? What makes someone essential? What about youth groups? What about church? What about college dorm life? How do you do nursing school online? Should Caleb change his major? Should he go away to school? Should he stay home? Speaking of home, do I have the right vitamins in the cabinet? Did my kids take those vitamins? What about a vaccine.... I don't want to even go there yet. What ...

5H- Our favorite place to be Online school...cute. But quiet.            I woke up today, trying to psych myself up for another day of online teaching.  It shouldn't be too  bad, I tell myself; I spent hours and hours this week creating material so that it would all be posted early Friday and I could just "monitor" the work as it comes in. See, it's not so bad, I lie to myself. Throw on your upmteenth pair of black leggings and fuzzy socks - and a Christmas shirt (because theme days....) and pour myself some coffee. It's gonna be a great day in 5H. But you see, it isn't. Because TRY AS HARD AS WE ARE, we can't make this seem like regular school.  While I see them every morning on our live "meet" for devotions and prayer, I can't hug them, high five them, have a side conversation about their new haircut, notice their new shoes, laugh about their locker contents sprawling across the hallway. I miss the classroom buzz of...

These are crazy times. We are hunkering down, keeping ourselves away from crowds, reacquainting ourselves with the idea of "downtime", spending lots of time looking at each other with slightly befuddled expressions. And then there's this one. Rachel, my most grown of my grown kids, is using this time to live the gifts that God has given her in a very "Rachel" way. She has moved into the assisted living home, where she works as an assistant activities director, to lend a hand in that capacity but also as a nurse tech.  For the sake of the residents, who can't leave but can't have guests, they invited some of their workers to move in.  Rachel, you were made for a time like this. While I am home worrying about everything that is being posted on facebook, and countering it with Bible studies that keep my focus on Christ, SHE is busy doing one-on-one activities with her sweet elderly, making sure they are having their needs met. I cannot hel...

I am in the season of lasts right now...last kid in his senior year, experiencing his last basketball season, last home game with a team with which he has played his heart out, last time cheering in the stands, last time watching him shoot a three under pressure.... a whole lot of lasts. And that can make a mama weepy. The other day, I was eating lunch, contemplating how my son's heart must feel, knowing these lasts are here. I put myself in his shoes, knowing that time is literally running out on his basketball career. And I cried.... I cried thinking about how he will feeling as he hears the national anthem for the last time, wrap arms around teammates for the last time, leave his all on the court for the last time. But you see, I didn't actually put myself in his shoes... I put him in mine .  I figured since I was stuck focusing on the "lasts" that he would be too. But I'm wrong....thankfully, I am very wrong. You see, for him, this isn't the end....