Day 1 of the journey

I write so I will remember the good things. We all can remember the yuck, but inside those yucky moments, there are lots of good things.

 Chemo Day 1

Today started like any other day.... but in my mind, I knew it wasn't any other day. Driving Mike to work, we chatted with Rae on her way to work ( a good thing). I dropped him off then headed to my classroom to prep for the week ahead. With no one in the building, it was a great time to get lots done (good thing).

The library opened at 10, and I was there, waiting with the list of books Mike wants to read. They actually had them (good thing). I went home and that's when I realized, he's coming home today different than he left. 

Picking him up at 12:30, we drove together to the cancer center. Not many words were spoken; we held hands.... a language that conveyed the words that he nor I could say out loud. 

Romans 8:26 ran through my brain, over and over... "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." 

"What are you here for?" 

"My first chemo treatment."

"Upstairs, to the left."

I couldn't stay...no visitors are allowed... so I turned to leave. As tears flooded my eyes, it felt too much like the college goodbyes with my kids, the friend goodbyes when we moved.... I am really tired of goodbyes, just for the record. But I got to my car, and sat... I listened to Christian music not unlike every other time I'm in the car. But this time, I just listened.

Psalm 46:10... He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

Finally able to drive, I first stopped at a thrift store (because you never know what you may find...found nothing, but it was a good distraction...and probably a good thing), then chatted with one of my best friends who just let me talk and cry a little.  Then I grocery shopped for some things the nurses told Mike he would want. 

Go back and read that again.. I (as in Karla!) grocery shopped. I really am growing up. A good thing.

Finally, I went back to get him. 

There were maybe 4 cars left in the lot....and there he was, walking out. Like no big thing. Except that was the BIGGEST THING to me....because there he was. 

Dinner was delivered by one of my amazing school moms...along with some supplies that, through her own cancer journey in her family, she knew Mike would appreciate and need (such a good thing!). We ate like kings and then, as the day caught up to him, he went to sleep. Peacefully sleeping now, I am praying that the nausea doesn't come, that the side effects are kept at bay, that tomorrow is a good day. 

But in the words of his nurse, they are "kicking his butt because they want to cure him...not just give him time...but cure him so they never see him again in that building." 

So even if tomorrow is rough, it's a good thing. Because then the chemo is doing its job. And ultimately, making him better. 

Surrounded by an incredible army of prayer warriors, we believe. We know God has a plan. 

In Jeremiah, we read "‘Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security." 

Tonight, we rest in that peace.  



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