Just a Mom of Big Kids

  5 weeks in. 3 rounds of chemo done. 5 more to go. Slowly, in this last round, Mike lost his senses of taste and smell. Well, lost isn't the exact word.... because they are there, but nothing tastes or smells the way it should. There's a constant smell of exhaust fumes. And water tastes creamy, like milk. Not much has flavor, and in his own words, "It's making me cranky."   Sleep at night is also getting a little tricky. Being so tired, he just can't sleep through the night. We have tried lots of different things to make it better, but if you have any suggestions, I would love to hear them!  But there are still some amazing blessings in the mess. My school families have been faithful and generous in dropping off dinners. This is something I didn't think we needed, until I realized what an incredible blessing it is to not have to run to the grocery story, swing by the market. I will NEVER underestimate the power of a delivered meal ever again. I promise th...

 Y'all. The power of prayer is more powerful than I can put into words. I know that's not news to you. I know we believe it, but whoooaaaa....has God shown up in GIANT ways these past two weeks. Psalm 6:9 says, "The Lord has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord accepts my prayer." We are HUMBLED beyond words at all the people lifting Mike's name to the Throne. We receive texts all day that say "Praying for you...." "Thinking of you...." "Praying for your family..." and there is nothing that could mean more than that these days. So please, keep sending them! And please, keep praying!  Because God is showing up. He has shown up in.... *no physical sickness from chemo *no loss of appetite (most likely because we have amazing people dropping off amazing meals and filling our hearts and bellies!...In fact, Mike actually has gained a pound since we started this!! I probably did too!) *physical strength as he is running again and feeling good. *...

Ephesians 5: 25  "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Oh man. That's a tall order. And love me everyday? Even on the days when I am just pretty unlovable? An even a taller order.  I absolutely take it for granted. The little things that Mike does to make my life easier. He fills and sets my coffee maker every night, even though he has never ever poured a cup for himself. He grocery shops. He takes out what we are going to eat for dinner in the morning, so it was defrosted by the time I got home from work. More often than not, you will find him cooking dinner.... I will do the dishes, if he doesn't load the dishwasher before I can get to it. He does laundry, pumps gas, drives me to school most days, and shows up with flowers at pretty regular intervals.  He is living out the role that God designed him to have.  He's the ultimate protector. Any noise? He checks it out. I swear, that guy sleeps with one eye literal...

I write so I will remember the good things. We all can remember the yuck, but inside those yucky moments, there are lots of good things.  Chemo Day 1 Today started like any other day.... but in my mind, I knew it wasn't any other day. Driving Mike to work, we chatted with Rae on her way to work ( a good thing). I dropped him off then headed to my classroom to prep for the week ahead. With no one in the building, it was a great time to get lots done (good thing). The library opened at 10, and I was there, waiting with the list of books Mike wants to read. They actually had them (good thing). I went home and that's when I realized, he's coming home today different than he left.  Picking him up at 12:30, we drove together to the cancer center. Not many words were spoken; we held hands.... a language that conveyed the words that he nor I could say out loud.  Romans 8:26 ran through my brain, over and over... "I n the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not...

"We have had an easy 28 years. We can handle one year of a fight." Standing outside the cancer center in Boca Raton, Mike looked at me and spoke these words. We had just finished meeting with an oncologist who told Mike that yes, indeed he had cancer, but yes, indeed it was curable.  But not without a little bit of a fight. Let me back up.... 2 week prior, Mike sat across from me a dinner, pulled the neck of his t-shirt down to reveal a lump right above his collar bone. "Does this look weird to you?"  UMMM YES! What is THAT!!  A quick trip to the doctor landed him in the ER, which led to a whole lot of tests, but not a lot of answers.  *Lymph nodes look inflamed. *Let's do a CAT scan. *Send him home with a follow up. At the follow up, there were still no answers, so a PET scan was scheduled. Another week passed with no news. I know I have friends who have walked this path. And I feel that they would agree...the WAITING is the worst. SO MANY TEARS about what ifs....

When my girls went away to college, they called often, texted even more often, and face-timed multiple times a day. They were checking in, sharing stories, asking advice....complaining, celebrating, contemplating...you name it,  it felt like we were doing it together.  Don't get me wrong.... while I loved (insert eye roll here) hearing about every room mate squabble, every outfit change... I didn't need to be this involved. Don't tell them, but every once in while, I would hit "decline" and tell Mike to call them back. In fairness, I had JUST spent all day teaching... I was all talked out.  I heard from them so often that my class of firsties knew their individualized text sounds.  But now there's this..... Caleb. My almost 20-year old. My one who, after a gap year, is at college 1300 miles away from us.  Let's remember, this kiddo has never been a big talker. Ever. He had two bigger sisters who NEVER STOPPED TALKING. But that means when he's away at c...

Back in March, as a family we decided that, while it wasn't exactly our timing, we felt God was leading us back to Boca Raton. I was offered a first grade position (helloooo firsties!) and Mike was offered the chance to work with his closest friends, learning a new industry (goodbye classroom!).  But then, it seemed that everything that could go wrong kind of did.... First, we had to sell a house. It'll be easy, they said. It'll be fast, they declared. It wasn't easy and it most definitely wasn't fast. With every breath, I felt that I was pleading with God to find the perfect family and lead them to our house. Then I prayed for the inspection, the appraisal, the financing, the closing. This is the 3rd house we've sold, so either God protects me by removing the memory from my brain, or the other sales were unremarkable, because this one clearly caused some gray hairs. Yet, the delays actually kept us from jumping the gun and buying a house in Florida that wasn...